


Imposter Syndrome

by Rankaloid



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: M/M, Post-Canon, Pre-Relationship, basically a twogami character study ft. hajime being a latent bi dumbass, rated T for fuyuhiko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 15:01:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30090906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rankaloid/pseuds/Rankaloid
Summary: "There's no need," Byakuya declares suddenly, voice hoarse and breathy but undeniably commanding. He takes his hand off the pod, then rises to his full height. His face betrays no fatigue or discomfort, even though his legs are shaking beneath him, and he addresses the small group before him with the dignity of a king addressing his people. "I don't need assistance from commoners. I...am Byakuya Togami, after all."Byakuya's prideful declaration settles on the room. An uncomfortable silence follows it."Yeah, we kinda already met the real Byakuya," Fuyuhiko says, scratching the back of his head.---Byakuya Togami is the first to awaken from the simulation. He's a little different than Hajime remembers him.
Relationships: Chou Koukou Kyuu no Sagishi | Ultimate Imposter/Hinata Hajime
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	Imposter Syndrome

**Author's Note:**

> me, looking up from my six saimota wips in a cold sweat realizing if i don't write twohina nobody will: oh NO
> 
> no i haven't seen the anime. this is probably canon-divergent. It's Fine

When the first pod opens, five months after the end of the killing game, it's more anticlimactic than Hajime expected.

He's not sure _why_ he expected more drama--why he expected lights, color, hissing smoke, like something out of a sci-fi serial. Something a _little_ more impactful than Alter Ego's cheerful, soothing voice announcing the beginning of the process, then the lid popping open like a spring, at least. Maybe after months of working around the clock, he just expected their first successful revival to be...more of an event. Or maybe his own emotions are clouding his mind, and he expects the real world to match the dramatic maelstrom of feelings he's experiencing.

But when the pod opens, the only dramatic thing about it is seeing the face of the killing game's first victim again.

He's almost exactly as Hajime remembers him, which is a surprise. Most of them had changed from how they remembered themselves from the game; Fuyuhiko had his eye back, and Akane had scars on her body which she all-too-eagerly showed off to everyone right away. Hajime awoke with dark brown hair nearly down to his knees. The feeling and sight of it revolted him, that lingering proof of Izuru Kamukura; the first thing he'd done after they'd gotten their bearings was find scissors in one of the building's offices and hack it all off himself, until it more closely resembled what he considered his _own_ hair.

But Byakuya looks the same. More peaceful, maybe, face free of the constant tension that seemed to accompany it in the killing game, but...he's almost exactly as Hajime remembers him, Ultimate Affluent Progeny disguise and all. The sight, that reminder of the past, stops Hajime's breath in his throat.

Yeah. _Dramatic maelstrom of feelings._ Hajime bites his lip.

Kazuichi had told Hajime something interesting, a few months after their release from the virtual world. He said he still remembered Chiaki, Gundham, and Nekomaru almost perfectly. But the early victims and casualties--Peko, Mahiru, Teruteru, and Byakuya--they were like distant memories.

"That's weird, right?" he'd said. "I mean, that whole messed-up game took...what, a week? Maybe two? Why does remembering the people early on feel so much...harder?"

Hajime hadn't come up with a great answer for him, partially because he's not a therapist and he's not sure why everyone seems to think he's one. The other reason is that he couldn't relate, not really. He remembers everyone, maybe better than he wants to--but he _especially_ remembers Byakuya. Byakuya doesn't feel distant. He never has.

Everyone gathered around the pod watches Byakuya's unmoving body with breaths held. Hajime's briefly afraid they've failed, and that Byakuya is still in his coma. Then his eyelashes flutter, his mouth pulls into a grimace, and his eyes slowly, slowly open. For a moment he just lies there, exhaustion clouding his features; then his eyes begin to dart around, taking in his unfamiliar surroundings.

"Byakuya?" Hajime asks, voice barely above a whisper. "Byakuya, can you...can you hear me? How do you feel?"

Byakuya's green eyes finally meet Hajime's, and they widen with recognition.

"I know everything's probably confusing right now," Hajime says, too quickly, too nervously, not even giving Byakuya time to talk. "All you need to know right now is that the killing game...happened inside a virtual simulation. None of it was real. We woke up a while ago, but you're just now waking up."

Byakuya squints at him through his white-framed glasses. He opens his mouth to say something, but dissolves into a fit of coughing.

"Take your time," Hajime says. "You've been in a coma for a few months. We actually weren't able to walk for--"

Before Hajime can even finish, Byakuya braces himself against the sides of the pod and pushes himself upright. His breathing becomes ragged immediately with the effort; his body slumps forward and he grits his teeth. But after only a few seconds of rest, he swings his legs over the side of the pod and steps down onto the floor, then stumbles and almost falls to his knees. He has to put one arm against the pod to steady himself. His whole body trembles with the exertion of standing, fighting against his own atrophied muscles and somehow winning. Hajime would be impressed, if he wasn't so worried.

" _Okay,_ never mind. Umm...do you maybe need a hand, or...?"

Byakuya shakes his head.

"There's no need," Byakuya declares suddenly, voice hoarse and breathy but undeniably commanding. He takes his hand off the pod, then rises to his full height. His face betrays no fatigue or discomfort, even though his legs are shaking beneath him, and he addresses the small group before him with the dignity of a king addressing his people. "I don't need assistance from commoners. I...am Byakuya Togami, after all."

Byakuya's prideful declaration settles on the room. An uncomfortable silence follows it.

"Yeah, we kinda already met the real Byakuya," Fuyuhiko says, scratching the back of his head.

"Fuyuhiko--" Sonia starts, frowning.

"What?! He deserves to know, right?" Fuyuhiko counters indignantly. "I'm not walking on fucking eggshells pretending like we don't already know."

Byakuya stares at Fuyuhiko for a moment, naked shock on his face. Then he looks to each person standing behind Hajime, one at a time, like he's searching for something. The shock remains on his face--in fact, now it's closer to fear. It looks wrong on him; Hajime doesn't like it.

Hajime inhales deeply, then exhales. Nobody else is speaking; it's up to him to step in.

"A lot's happened," Hajime says finally. "We can get some breakfast and I can explain everything to you."

"Ah, shall we also...?" Sonia asks.

"No, there's no need," Hajime says firmly. He can't imagine having all five of them in a room will help the explanation at all. If anything, it might start to feel like an interrogation.

Sonia nods, pumping a fist. "Then we shall leave you both to it!"

"Man, I was kinda hoping for a second breakfast," Akane grumbles. "If you guys have leftovers, bring 'em to me afterwards, alright?"

Byakuya hmphs and crosses his arms, like the very concept of leftovers is laughable to him. Then he finally looks at Hajime again. Whatever he was searching for in the others' faces, maybe he finally finds it; his expression relaxes just a bit.

"Very well," he says, in a resigned, quiet tone. "Lead the way."

All Hajime can think on the way to the kitchen is how _wrong_ that timid voice sounds on him.

\---

Hajime has practiced this explanation a half-dozen times in front of a mirror, the cliff's notes version of what the unhinged final trial with Junko and the Future Foundation renegades had taught all of them. Their school lives together, Ultimate Despair, the worst, most awful _blah blah blah_ event in human history, being taken to Jabberwock Island, and the virtual reality therapy session turned deadly killing game by their past selves' ( _his_ past self's) own design. Practicing hasn't made it feel any more real or convincing; it feels like he's playing telephone, rehashing and relaying events he still knows about only through word of mouth. None of them had gotten their memories back after waking up, despite Junko and Makoto's promises; no school life, no Ultimate Despair. All they remembered was the killing game. Alter Ego didn't have a good explanation for that, and neither had the Future Foundation members, apart from a vaguely inspirational statement from Kyoko along the lines of _I suppose this is your opportunity to start fresh after all._

Still, he tells Byakuya everything as best he understands it. The killing game, of course, is easier to remember, if not necessarily easier to talk about. Byakuya's student file is the most difficult part of all to talk about, but Fuyuhiko's right: he deserves to know. The only thing Hajime doesn't mention is his (lack of a) talent, or anything about Izuru. He tells himself it's because it's not relevant to Byakuya, not really. But of course, if he gets to pick the topic? He'd rather _not_ talk about being a talentless student who got experimented on by the academy he grew up worshipping, thanks.

"...and that's about when you woke up."

Hajime crosses his arms as he finishes his explanation, nervous for reasons he can't fully articulate. He and Byakuya are sitting across from each other in the... _dining room_ is a generous term, it's more of a small table someone crammed into a plain, beige-walled office kitchen. But the living quarters are too far to walk, no matter how well Byakuya had pretended walking hadn't bothered him.

Byakuya nods, still chewing a bite of his third stack of pancakes. As Hajime thought, having some food seems to have set him at ease. He may have the cooking skills one would expect of a barely college-aged boy with the memories of a high schooler, but even he can't mess up boxed pancakes.

"So, to summarize," Byakuya says, "I died, the killing game continued, and then the survivors eventually discovered the entire thing had taken place in a virtual reality simulation, designed to cure them of a brainwashing which had caused them to participate in the destruction of much of the modern world."

"Yeah, that...pretty much covers it."

Hajime fidgets. Byakuya stabs his fork into another section of pancakes, then stuffs the bite into his mouth.

"These are exceptional," Byakuya says absentmindedly, once he's fully chewed and swallowed the bite. Better table manners than Akane, at least.

"Oh, umm, thanks," Hajime stammers, not sure how to take the compliment. "It's just cheap pancake batter and water. Nothing special."

"I'm aware. Betty Crocker, isn't it? I'd know this manufactured, sugary taste anywhere."

From anyone else, that would be an insult; from Byakuya, Hajime suspects it's a compliment. They're quiet again for a moment as Byakuya takes another bite. He seems to be slowing down, although Hajime's pretty sure he won't stop until the entire plate's cleared.

"...If it were anyone but you telling me this, I would assume you were making a fool out of me," Byakuya says, gesturing with his fork to emphasize his point. "I hope for your sake my trust in you isn't misplaced."

It's the most pompous, haughty thing Byakuya has said since waking up. Hearing it fills Hajime with relief, and his expression brightens.

"So you believe me?" Hajime asks hopefully. Then he frowns in confusion. "...Wait, hang on. Why do you trust _me,_ specifically?"

Byakuya _hmphs_ and adjusts his glasses, like Hajime is foolish for even asking.

"We spoke before I...died, didn't we? You were the only person who singled me out for conversation. Everyone else was too intimidated by my presence, it seemed."

Somehow, the possibility of Byakuya remembering those conversations as clearly as Hajime does hadn't occurred to him. _I shouldn't read into that or anything, though. After all, for him, that was only a few days ago...right?_

"I mean, you were a little intimidating," Hajime admits, "but I think everyone was just busy trying to keep to themselves. That was right after the killing game started, after all."

"Perhaps. But even now, I doubt they trust me." Byakuya smirks, but winces, too, in a way that seems more self-deprecating than smug. "...I suppose it's smarter not to."

Hajime frowns.

"...To be honest, I don't really give a damn about what's 'smarter' or not. I trust you, Byakuya. And if the others don't...they'll come around eventually."

Hajime doesn't expect the look of shock that appears on Byakuya's face, as though he's just said something truly unbelievable. He traces back through his words, trying to figure out if he said something to warrant that kind of reaction.

"I find that difficult to believe," Byakuya says after a moment. Given the intensity of his expression, Hajime suspects that's an understatement. "If what you've told me is true, the only thing you know for certain about me is that I lied to all of you. And yet you claim to trust me...?"

The more Hajime talks to Byakuya, the less he feels like he understands him. Was _all_ of his pompous arrogance an act? There's still a veneer of the old, ridiculous Byakuya's confidence, but it keeps moving and vanishing behind these self-critical remarks, like a shifting mirage Hajime can't quite grasp.

"...It's not like I didn't know you were hiding something," Hajime says quietly. "Something about our conversations seemed...a little off. Like you wanted to tell me something, but couldn't. Honestly, I wish we hadn't found out about your talent through some stupid file. Whatever you were hiding...I was hoping you'd be able to tell me in your own words, someday."

Byakuya sighs. His harsh expression softens into something more vulnerable.

"Believe it or not, I was considering telling you about...my true identity. Of course, I never got a chance to, and now it's too late. But what did I expect? Liars have to face consequences eventually," Byakuya says, almost dismissively.

Before Hajime can inquire on that concerning line, Byakuya's already continuing on.

"Well? You have questions, don't you?" he says. "I know I wasn't honest with you in the simulation, but I promise you I'll answer anything you ask with full honesty now."

"Are you sure you don't want to rest first?" Hajime asks. "You _did_ just wake up..."

"There's no amount of rest or preparation that will make this conversation easier," Byakuya says bluntly. "Better to get it over with now, while I'm on a full stomach. Go ahead. Ask."

Hajime goes quiet with thought. It's absurd--for all the times he's thought how little he got to know Byakuya before he died, now he can't think of anything to ask the man in front of him at all.

"Hrm. So you got everything you needed from that file, then," Byakuya concludes, frowning.

"N-No, actually, the file...barely said anything at all. Your name, your height, even your gender...they were all blank. The only thing there was your Ultimate talent."

Byakuya laughs humorlessly.

"I see," he says. "I was hoping...no. I should've expected that."

Hajime frowns. He thinks Byakuya is...disappointed, but it's hard to tell. Even after assuring Hajime he'd be honest, he still seems closed-off and wary.

"You do...have a name, right?" Hajime asks hesitantly.

Byakuya looks at him.

"No," he responds flatly.

"...I thought you said you'd be honest with me," Hajime says, with a strained smile, but he has a bad feeling that...

"I am being honest with you. Do you think I would lie about something so outrageous? I _honestly_ don't have a name."

Monokuma's smug voice, cheerfully detailing the tragedy of the Ultimate Imposter's life, comes back to him. _No birth certificate, no identity...I thought that was hyperbole, but Byakuya actually doesn't..._

"...Okay," Hajime acquiesces. "So then, your gender..."

"Is whatever it needs to be to fit my present identity."

"Oh."

Byakuya regards Hajime, who's biting his lip pensively, for a moment. Then he smirks, something on the edge of playful, and Hajime's heart beats faster without his permission.

"Hmph. Go ahead. Ask. The question's written all over your face, commoner."

"...So...you've impersonated both men and women before?" Hajime asks, trying to keep his tone neutral.

"Yes. Does that upset you?" Byakuya asks, quirking a challenging brow.

 _Dammit, why am I not better at this?_ Hajime berates himself. "N-No, that's not it. I'm just...curious, I guess."

He's not lying. It's really not _that_ weird, or at least not weird in a way that's upsetting. People crossdress. It's a thing. Nobody he knows, but he's seen it on TV. And he doesn't have any room to judge, anyway, when he's...

Well. That's a whole thing. He likes girls, he's sure, or at least as sure as he can be without ever getting past chaste kisses and awkward dates. But sometimes, he feels this...he thought it was an admiration for certain guys, _cool_ guys, but the more he thinks about it, the more he thinks it was a little too intense to be just that. Maybe he should've introspected a little more when he hung those posters of the Ultimate Astronaut and the Ultimate Adventurer all over his room and obsessively watched their interviews over and over again. But that's exactly the kind of thing most people don't really think about when they're twelve, but later, when they suddenly have months of intermittent downtime while Alter Ego runs data recovery scripts after experiencing a transformative group trauma, they start to consider some things a little differently. Like, for example, the fact that Byakuya definitely qualified as a 'cool guy,' and the way he'd admired Byakuya and followed him around, in hindsight, was kind of...

 _This is such a stupid thing to be thinking about right now_ , he groans internally, batting away his thoughts like an annoying insect.

"Obviously I have," Byakuya confirms, oblivious to Hajime's internal sidebar. "I wouldn't be much of an Ultimate Imposter if I couldn't impersonate nearly half the population, would I?"

"Half would still be really impressive," Hajime points out. "100 percent almost strains credulity..."

"Regardless. Right now, I am Byakuya Togami. So my name is Byakuya Togami, and my gender is Byakuya Togami's gender. Male. Is that simple enough for you to grasp?"

 _I should probably just drop this_ , Hajime thinks, and then he opens his dumb mouth anyway.

"But you're not _really_ Byakuya Togami, though," Hajime tries.

"I am not the _real_ Byakuya Togami, no."

"So then, your real identity--"

"Is the Ultimate Imposter. That much was in the file, correct?"

"I'm not talking about your talent," Hajime says, voice edged with frustration. "I'm talking about who _you_ are."

"My talent _is_ who I am." Byakuya heaves a tortured sigh. "Can we change the subject? We're clearly going in circles."

Anger flares in Hajime's chest. _'My talent is who I am'? There's no way I can accept that. But..._

"...Alright," Hajime says, swallowing his misgivings. Verbal sparring isn't going to solve Byakuya's problems. "Then I'll just...keep referring to you as Byakuya. But if you ever want me to call you anything else..."

"Noted," Byakuya grunts, frowning. Arms crossed, staring past Hajime at the kitchen wall, he feels more distant than ever.

"Umm, listen," Hajime begins, brows and mouth quirked in an awkward expression. "I'm sorry. It's not that I'm trying to pry, and you don't have to answer any of my stupid questions. I'm just..."

 _Curious,_ his mind finishes, but that feels wrong, too idle and trite to express what he's really feeling. His chest _burns_ with curiosity, echoes with questions he feels like he hasn't earned the right to ask yet. What does it mean, to not...have a sense of identity? A sense of gender, of self, of _anything?_ He wants to know. He wants to understand. He's always wanted to know things about Byakuya, even before he knew he was the Ultimate Imposter; having Byakuya ripped away from them so early in the killing game made his chest roil with all the things he never got to know about him.

"I just don't want to refer to you the wrong way," Hajime says instead, because he's not sure either of them are ready to unpack that kind of emotional baggage.

"Don't trouble yourself with such inane thoughts," Byakuya proclaims. "For now, I am still Byakuya Togami. You may refer to me as you would refer to him until further notice."

"...That's fine. I didn't like the 'real' Byakuya much anyway," Hajime admits, with a sheepish smirk.

"Mm. Far too skinny," Byakuya agrees, nodding thoughtfully. "You'd think with the resources of a Togami at his disposal, he could afford to eat more..."

 _Not exactly what I meant_ , Hajime thinks, but he admits there was something...cartoonish about seeing the real Byakuya's twiglike proportions after only knowing the 'fake' Byakuya for so long.

"If that's all you have for me, then I believe it's my turn," Byakuya says.

Those are _not_ the only questions Hajime has for Byakuya, not by a long shot, but--he's kind of interrogating him, isn't he? He's not the one suddenly in a terrifying and unfamiliar situation; he shouldn't be asking all the questions.

"Sure," he says. "Same deal. Whatever you ask, I'll answer honestly."

"Good. Your goal is to wake everyone else up from the simulation, correct?" Byakuya adjusts his glasses. "But isn't that dangerous? If Makoto and Junko are to be believed, we're all criminals who've committed unthinkable atrocities."

"...To be honest, everyone was pretty worried about you," Hajime admits. "Especially K--well, some of us more than others. We weren't sure what memories you'd come back with...but it looks like you're in the same boat the rest of us are in."

"Mm. I remember coming to Hope's Peak, the tropical island, and...nothing else," Byakuya confirms. "But you had no way of knowing that would be the case. Why take that risk?"

"We were always taking that risk," Hajime says firmly. "Even when we decided whether to wake ourselves up, we were taking the risk that we'd wake up still consumed by despair. How unfair would it be if we decided it was too dangerous to wake anyone _else_ up after that? Even if we can't remember our school lives together...we're all still friends, you know? It wouldn't be right to just leave everybody there."

 _And that's not what Chiaki would want, either_ , Hajime thinks, but doesn't say.

"Hm. A respectable answer. Lucky for you, you now have my support," Byakuya proclaims, with a smug smirk. "My leadership, my abilities, and all the resources of the Togami conglomerate are behind you."

Silence.

"...is what I would say, if I were actually Byakuya Togami," Byakuya says, with a sigh.

 _Wait. Was that supposed to be a joke...?_ Hajime thinks belatedly.

"The Togami family fell, anyway," Hajime says, with an awkward smile. "So even the other Byakuya doesn't have those resources you're talking about."

"So this entire time, I've been impersonating a phony progeny," Byakuya muses. "How...ironic."

Hajime frowns. There it is again--this seesaw between arrogance and insecurity, boastful declarations and quiet introspection.

"We still need your help," he says firmly. "Even if you're not the Ultimate Affluent Progeny or whatever, you're still an Ultimate. And besides..."

Hajime locks eyes with Byakuya, who responds with a questioning raise of an eyebrow, and he finally says the words he's wanted to say to Byakuya since the very first trial.

"There was nothing fake about your leadership and your planning before you died." Hajime's voice swells with conviction and admiration, the same feelings he'd had watching Byakuya five months and a lifetime ago flowing back into him like a tide. "You went to such great lengths to bring everyone together and keep them safe, when everyone else was still so suspicious and trying to keep to themselves. Honestly, if you hadn't sacrificed yourself trying to protect everyone, maybe things would've been different. If anyone could've stopped the killing game...maybe it was you."

Byakuya gawks for a moment, opening and closing his mouth.

"That's..." He pauses. He seems torn on how to respond. The old Byakuya would've taken the opportunity to preen and boast without hesitation, but this Byakuya...

"Pure speculation," Byakuya finishes flatly. "I died, after all. However lofty my goals were, I failed to achieve them. Gazing at the past, ruminating over what could've been...it's pointless."

"Even if you did 'fail'...I'm still glad you were the first one to wake up," Hajime admits. "Out of anyone, you're probably the person we need the most right now."

Byakuya pauses for a long moment.

"No, you don't," he says quietly.

"Huh?" Hajime replies dumbly, blinking.

"While I appreciate your compliments to the contrary, I'm not much of a natural-born leader. It's dangerous as an Imposter to call too much attention to yourself, after all. I only became the leader because everyone was directionless and in danger. Someone needed to step up, and the Ultimate Affluent Progeny seemed like a decent enough choice to do so."

"But the fact that you stepped up means--" Hajime tries to argue.

"It means I am adaptable," Byakuya interrupts firmly. "Nothing more, nothing less. The only leaders I see now are the Ultimate Princess and...you, Hajime."

Byakuya adjusts his glasses and looks Hajime in the eyes. His gaze is intimidatingly intense and sincere; Hajime has to resist the urge to squirm in his chair under it.

"You, who couldn't even remember your own talent, who was convinced of his own unremarkability...sometime between when we last met and now, you became a true leader. Even just watching a few interactions, I can tell you're someone everyone else looks up to and respects, and someone who knows how to make difficult decisions with confidence."

Hajime's stunned into silence. Byakuya continues undeterred.

"So, you don't _need_ me. I'm...extraneous. A poor imitation of things that already exist." Byakuya pauses thoughtfully. "Like Splenda."

"Th-That's wrong!" Hajime bursts out. "Whatever you might think of me, that doesn't mean--that doesn't mean you're _Splenda!_ "

"The metaphor may be half-baked, but the meaning is the same." Byakuya doesn't meet Hajime's eyes when he says: "I can't help but feel you would've been better-served bringing anyone else back first."

Hajime's face twists into a shocked, disbelieving grimace before he can stop it. It...hurts, somehow, hearing Byakuya say that about himself--with all the conviction in the world, like he really and truly believes it's a fact. He'd braced himself for so many possibilities, waiting for Byakuya to step out of that pod: for him to be Ultimate Despair, for him to have no memories of Hajime or the killing game at all. He hadn't been prepared for _this._

"Byakuya...why would you say that?" Hajime murmurs, voice quiet. "You were...amazing during the killing game. You brought everyone together and rallied their spirits...you protected everyone...you even saved Nagito at the cost of your own life."

He feels like an idiot, repeating the same thing like a broken record. If he'd just had more _time_ \--if he'd just had a few more days with Byakuya--maybe he'd have more to point to, more evidence of his value to throw in the face of his insecurity.

"Why? Why are you so convinced you're worthless...?" Hajime finishes.

"I'm only saying the truth," Byakuya says, unmoved by Hajime's emotion. "My talent is to imitate, not exceed. So--"

"Who cares about your talent?!" Hajime snaps. "I don't even _have_ a talent! Are you saying I'm worthless, too, just because of that?!"

Hajime's voice comes out louder and angrier than he intended; belatedly, he realizes his hands have curled into fists on the table. He closes his eyes, forces himself to uncurl them, forces himself to even his breathing out. Byakuya just watches him for a few moments, stunned into silence.

"...I see," he says finally. "So you couldn't remember your talent because you never had one..."

 _Never_ is supposedly not quite right, but Izuru feels as unreal as fiction to Hajime. A part of him has been waiting for the Ultimate Hope to resurface suddenly, for his own personality to be erased with no warning. But as best as he can tell, Izuru lives in his memories, and as long as those stay buried, so will he.

"Don't take this the wrong way," Byakuya says, "but I'm relieved to hear that."

"Relieved?" Hajime echoes. "You're...happy I don't have a talent?"

Byakuya huffs in a way that sounds tantalizingly like a laugh. "I _said_ to not take it the wrong way. When we first met, I felt a sort of...connection with you, Hajime. A unique bond."

"A...unique bond?" Hajime repeats, trying to ignore all the unhelpful possibilities his brain supplies for that statement.

"Yes. The moment you introduced yourself and told me you couldn't remember your own talent...I wanted to speak with you. I wanted to become closer to you." Byakuya frowns. "But the Ultimate Affluent Progeny would've never gone out of his way to associate with someone with no talent. For the sake of the lie, I had to keep you at an arm's length, the same as everyone else."

Hajime would like to think he's gotten less insecure about his lack of an Ultimate talent, but Byakuya's words still chafe at him a little. He furrows his brow and tries to banish those thoughts from his mind.

"Well...that was the plan, at least. But then you began approaching me instead. By all means, I should've ignored you or driven you off, but...I was thrilled to speak with you. There was really, truly nobody I wanted to get to know better than you."

"Wh-Why?" Hajime says, cursing his stammer. "I was literally the least interesting person on the island. I didn't even have a talent. What made you want to talk to me so badly?"

"For you to equate your value as a friend to your lack of an Ultimate talent...it actually illustrates my point rather nicely. In a world where people are defined by their talents, not remembering your talent..." Byakuya pauses to adjust his glasses, for what Hajime thinks might be intentional dramatic effect. "It must have felt like not having an identity at all. Am I wrong?"

Hajime thinks about that.

"I...don't know if I thought of it that way. But when I found out I never had an Ultimate talent, I..." Hajime bites his lip, trying to find the least painful way through the words. "I still felt like myself, but I felt...worthless. Like I didn't belong there with everyone else, and had tricked them all into accepting me. So I guess, in a way, it really did feel like being...nothing."

"...I see. Those feelings...they aren't identical to mine, but...I still feel an empathy I've never felt for anyone else before. Just as I did when we spoke during the killing game..." Byakuya muses thoughtfully.

"...Is that why you asked me to be your assistant? And...told me you believed in my potential?"

Byakuya pauses. Then he adjusts his glasses, averts his eyes, and... _I must just be imagining the blush, right?_

"I see you remember many things from our conversations. That's...inconvenient. But yes, I suppose that feeling I had...that bond...was the reason I offered for you to be my assistant."

Then Byakuya laughs, unexpectedly, a short, humorless noise.

"But now, it seems, our roles are reversed. You've come into your own, and adopted the mantle of responsibility and leadership. While I...simply exist, in a space I don't belong in, while knowing the things everyone believed about me were lies."

Hajime opens and closes his mouth a couple times before he finds the words to respond.

"Wait, Byakuya, that's not--"

"I've long since finished," Byakuya says primly, pushing his empty plate towards the center of the table. "Thank you for the food, and thank you for waking me up. Simply show me to my room, and I'll be out of your way.

With those words, Byakuya shifts as though to stand up. Without thinking, Hajime practically lunges across the table, and he grabs Byakuya's hand tightly before he can. He flinches, then looks at Hajime questioningly.

"Wait," Hajime says, breathless with nervousness. "I think I've been going about this all the wrong way."

Byakuya blinks. He doesn't say anything--tacit permission for Hajime to keep talking.

"I've been talking too much about...what you can do for us. What _use_ you are to us. But that's not really how I feel--that's not even _close_ to how I really feel. I'm not happy you're here again because you're _useful._ I'm happy because..."

Hajime swallows. Anxiety threatens to overtake him. He should really let go of Byakuya's hand. He doesn't.

"I'm happy because I m-missed you," Hajime almost doesn't stutter. "I missed _you_ \--Byakuya Togami, and the person behind Byakuya, too. You claim that person doesn't exist, or that he isn't worth anything, but...that's wrong. That person is sitting right here in front of me. And...I don't want to lose him. Not again."

Byakuya opens his mouth to speak, but Hajime keeps going, words spilling uncontrollably out of his mouth.

"So it doesn't matter what you can or can't do. It doesn't matter if you're not really the Ultimate Affluent Progeny. Even if you didn't have an Ultimate talent at all...it still wouldn't matter. I'm just happy to see you again. We all are."

Because that's the truth, isn't it? He's not just happy to see one of his friends wake up; he's happy to see _Byakuya_ wake up. He's happy to see the person who inspired him, the person who said he believed in him...

"O-Of course, if you want to help, th-that's fine too," Hajime continues, babbling pointlessly to fill the silence. "We could use all the help we can get. You don't need to 'get out of our way,' or whatever. However much or little you can provide is fine, or--"

"Hajime," Byakuya finally says, a crack in his voice.

"Y-Yeah?"

"I want to let you continue," Byakuya says, "but at this rate, I'm concerned I won't get my hand back."

Hajime stares for a moment, expression blank with confusion. Then he looks down and realizes not only is he still _holding_ Byakuya's hand, he's gripping it so tightly his knuckles are turning white. He drops Byakuya's hand like it's scalding, retreats back to his side of the table, and then shoves both his hands in his lap, blushing furiously. He has half a mind to _sit_ on them, if it'll keep him from doing anything so _stupid_ again.

"Shit. Sorry. I-I'm really sorry." One of his hands goes to his hair, running through it from forehead to scalp; he can feel the jagged edges as he goes, the proof of his impulsive and ill-advised haircut. He wasn't self-conscious about that before, but he sure as hell is _now._ "This is really weird, isn't it? We only knew each other for a few days, and I'm--"

"Would you be quiet and let me talk already?" Byakuya snaps. "I don't _mind_ what you said, so stop apologizing for it. Actually, I..."

Byakuya trails off, looks away, like he's--no, Hajime's positive he's not imagining it this time. He's _embarrassed._

"...No one's ever said anything like that to me before," he murmurs. "Yes...you really are the first. It's overwhelming, but I don't mind it. You could even...repeat it, if you like."

Hajime blinks a few times, heart thudding in his chest. Then he giggles, on a knife's edge between sheepish and hysterical.

"I-I really don't think I could if I tried," Hajime says weakly. He's still red all the way to his ears. "I might honestly d-die..."

"...I see. That's a shame."

The way Byakuya's eyes avert to the floor, the way he pushes up his glasses and leaves his hand there, half-obscuring his face...more than just embarrassed, he looks downright shy.

Hajime swallows.

"I'm...happy to see you again," he mumbles, more into his lap than to Byakuya's face. "Umm. Was that what you wanted me to repeat?"

Byakuya glances up, as though startled; then he looks away again and smiles, just the slightest bit.

"That will do," Byakuya says, smile taking on a teasing edge.

 _What is...are we...is this flirting?_ Hajime thinks, thoughts scattered in the wake of the other boy's smirk. _Are we flirting right now?_

"...This has been stressful for you, hasn't it?" Byakuya says quietly. Hajime wonders what kind of face he's making, for Byakuya to say something like that. Whatever it is, it's probably _really_ embarrassing. "All these heavy topics about identity and feelings...let's take a break."

"A break?"

"Yes. Let's talk about something else. Like..." He pauses. "Things normal people talk about."

 _...You don't know, do you?_ Hajime thinks. He feels a pang of sympathy.

"...Yeah," Hajime says, slowly recovering his bearings. "Yeah, that sounds perfect, actually. All this time, I've been thinking, I'd like to get to know..."

Hajime almost says _the real you_ , but hesitates. It feels wrong to imply that everything about Byakuya is fake. That would mean the time they spent together was fake, which doesn't sit well with him at all.

"I'd like to get to know the you who isn't Byakuya Togami," Hajime amends.

Byakuya's eyebrows raise in sharp surprise. Then, his expression settles, and he shows a genuine smile that makes Hajime's stomach flip.

"Very well," he says, with the generosity of a favor. "But don't blame me if you get bored."

"I won't," Hajime says, instantly, and he swears he sees the hint of a blush return to Byakuya's cheeks.

"What, exactly, would you like to know?" Byakuya asks after a moment.

_Let's see...something Byakuya could definitely answer as himself, no matter who he's impersonating...maybe this is too obvious, but..._

"What's your favorite fast food?" Hajime tries.

Byakuya's eyes light up. Hajime silently congratulates himself.

"That's a reductive question," he counters, as though he isn't immensely pleased Hajime asked. "I have many different favorites for many different situations. You wouldn't equate pizza and ice cream, would you? Similarly..."

Byakuya goes on, distinguishing between the recipes used by various chains, breaking down which types of meat are the most energy-dense, again, just like Hajime remembers him doing on a tropical island that feels like a lifetime ago. It's a strange thing, he can't explain it, but seeing Byakuya like this, happy and relaxed...

Well, maybe he can explain it. And the explanation should unsettle him, maybe even frighten him, but...

"...What's that expression for?" Byakuya asks, shifting nervously. "I've never seen you make a face like _that_ before."

Hajime realizes he's settled into a relaxed pose, leaned forward, one hand propping up his cheek. He's smiling in what he suddenly realizes is a very vacant, stupid way, and he just as suddenly realizes he doesn't care if he looks stupid. He's...happy. He's talking to his first friend, someone he thought he'd never see again, and they're just...having a normal conversation. Talking again like no time has passed at all, like nothing awful has happened at all, like there's hope for them to chitchat and joke around and live normal lives together someday.

"Hajime?" Byakuya asks, alarmed. "Hajime, are -- are you _crying?_ "

"Crying?" Hajime nearly chokes on the word, his throat has gotten so thick, and he only realizes Byakuya's right when he feels a single pooled tear finally roll down his cheek. "Oh, yeah, I...I guess. Huh. Th-That hasn't happened since..."

 _Since we left_ , he thinks, and can't quite say.

Byakuya hesitates for a moment, seeming a bit helpless. "Is something wrong?" he finally asks.

"N-No. Nothing's wrong. I'm just happy you're alive," Hajime manages. "I'm happy you woke up...I'm happy there's hope for everyone else to wake up..." Hajime sniffs loudly, cheeks ruddy with embarrassment. "I think this is the most hopeful I've been since we left the simulation."

Hajime reaches up to rub at his face, but another hand beats him there. Hajime freezes as Byakuya's thumb swipes over his cheekbone, wiping away a single tear.

"There's no reason to cry about it," Byakuya gripes, completely without venom. "After all, you have the great Byakuya Togami on your side now, don't you?"

His voice is light, with a strong hint of self-parody, and Hajime finds himself laughing through his tears.

"Yeah," he agrees. "It's good to have you back, Byakuya."

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! if you like saiouma, go check out [this despair disease fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/30005544) by my bff ezra, it's incredible


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